what does it all mean to be me

18th September 2006

Ok so today’s topic of conversation is goal setting and its purpose. I am often amazed at how setting goals, planning and executing the steps required to achieve that goal are often done really poorly. I don’t know who said it, but failing to plan is planning to fail. So I have come up with a list of my own ideas (as always – isn’t the point of a blog to be an expert commentator on most things?) 
Anyways my first point is to have an achievable goal. For instance, unless you’re an astronaut your highly unlikely to end up in space (unless you’re a stoner I guess)
My next point is to make your goal as clear as possible, allow no room for misinterpretation. So for instance, if your goal is ‘I want to complete Le Tour De France’, you have already achieved that goal because you currently ‘want’ to complete the race. The best way to word the goal is ‘I will complete Le Tour De France’. However you will also need to have a time frame for your goals. So a complete main goal would be ‘I will complete Le Tour De France by the 2012 race’.
Thirdly you need to have intermediate steps, these steps need to be attainable, not easy but not without some effort. So in continuation of the cycling idea we would end up with the following set of goals:
1. I will need to be able to cycle non stop for a period of 5 hours by Nov 2006’
2. I will need to be able to cycle non stop for a period of 5 hours at 30kph by Feb 2007’
3. I will need to be able to cycle non stop for a period of 5 hours at 33kph by July 2007’
4. And so on…..
Fourthly you need to have your goal on the forefront of your mind at all times. Write it down and put it in your wallet. Never let that goal out of site, for when you do the plan is gone.
Fifth, have your plan on a wall, where you can check off your intermediate goals and see how you are progressing. By having a visible representation of your goals, you will find yourself gaining in confidence and stature. You will be able to see how you are progressing and when the going gets tough (and it will) you will get solace from the fact that::
a. You have started something you really don’t want to stop.
b. You can see how much you have improved, so why stop now.
Finally and possibly most importantly, never think you can’t do something, for if you do, you have not only failed yourself, but your supporters (family and friends) as well.

Its funny, I am currently attempting to try and break a cycling time trial record. The ride involves a 3k ride up a 7% gradient of a hill. The time to beat is around 8 minutes and 30 seconds. I have about 4-5 months of trying to get fit enough to attempt this race. So my goal is:
To beat 8 minutes 30 seconds on the time trial hill climb before the 5th of February 2007.
My training involves doing laps of a 300meter hill near my home. My mini goals for each training session are:
1. At least achieve +/- 1 lap as my previous trip.
2. Remain seated for roughly 75% of the ride.
3. Never give up until my body can not go on any further
4. Think positively throughout and therefore negating any pain I may feel.
And of course I have individual ways of achieving these mini goals. Yesterday I was going to stop after 10 laps (10 is my baseline). I went to 12 and said ‘Why not, let’s continue and get 15.’ When I got to 15, I said ‘Lets get to 17’ at 17 I said ‘cant finish on an odd number’ so I got to 18 and said ‘fuck it, lets do 20’. In my mind I had beaten the hill, I had stopped on my own terms. And that’s what drives me, in another blog I will hopefully hit on what drives people.
My main goal indicator will be weekly time trial of this hill, I will need to do 10 laps and measure my time, my average speed, and the associated heart rates. There is not 1 ounce of doubt in my mind.

"You have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought, you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential." - Steve Garvey

"For me, goals are my road map to the life I want. They have helped me accomplish things I once thought were impossible." - Catherine Pulsifer

"Goals give you more than a reason to get up in the morning; they are an incentive to keep you going all day. Goals tend to tap the deeper resources and draw the best out of life." - Harvey Mackay

"One of the amazing things we have been given as humans is the unquenchable desire to have dreams of a better life, and the ability to establish goals to live out those dreams." - Jim Rohn

"Focus on your potential instead of your limitations." - Alan Loy McGinnis

"To achieve happiness, we should make certain that we are never without an important goal." - Ralph Waldo Emereson

And finally
"Choosing a goal and sticking to it changes everything." - Scott Reed
I love this one, always have. At the end of the day I truly believe that life is about opening doors. By goal setting doors will be opened.

17th September 2006

Well 5 days of no swelling in my ‘area’. It’s all good -- I hope.
Anyways onto my next topic of conversation, ruts and being stuck in one. Now I guess I don’t fully understand why we do get stuck. I know people who have hated a job but stuck it out because ‘I can’t afford to quit’. Now ask yourself seriously ‘What is the worst that will happen?’ Are the consequences as bad as you perceive? Most often not, if anything you will be living on the seat of your pants until you get a new job.
At this point I must declare that I have decided to stop taking work home with me, by that I mean worrying about work after hours. What is the point of worrying – its only work after all?
As I mentioned in earlier posts people that stress over work and only think of work are generally wankers and hence loners. I don’t want to be one of those sorts of people.
So why do we get stuck in ruts in the first place? The only thing I can think of is that it’s easier to be in a rut as we know to an extent what’s going on. Everything seems to be under control when in reality it’s far from the fact. I know I have been stuck in a rut for at least 2 years. I keep promising my fiancé that we will travel (and we will) but we have to get our shit sorted out first. But I also ask myself, what’s the worst that could happen? We would have to sell our house and then have a lot of money in the bank. Alternatively we rent it out and have to make small repayments while its capital appreciates. Nothing bad can come of it, so why am I so scared to make the big move? Thats because it’s easier to go with the flow then tp take the risk to get out of the rut.
That’s my only current rut, I have managed to sort out heaps in my personal life of late, but that’s the biggie. My only conclusion I can draw of all of this is to ask ‘Ideally what would I love to do with my time?’ If the answer is something other than what you’re doing, do anything and everything to get out. I am sure you will be happier for it (I will let you know when I finally do) 

This is possibly my favorite poem ever. Robert Frost was a man on a mission!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference

After much internal dialog my next entry will be on goal setting. This is one of my favorite pet topics, as its such an easy thing to do, but such an easy thing to do poorly.

This blog has proved slightly cathartic in the fact that I am writing my own thoughts and forcing me to follow them. As such I am happy to hear from anyone who stumbles upon this blog wdiam2bm@gmail.com
I know only my friends read this, but if those friends can pass this blog on (and keep things anonymous) I would sincerely appreciate it. I would love to be in the position to get some feedback. Surely I am not the only one that thinks this way.

12^th September 2006

Having already covered ‘What’s in a passion?’ today I look at ‘Unhappiness, the curse of the western world’. So where do I start? Why not at the beginning. From the time we come out of our mother’s womb we are conditioned (which is fairly obvious) but the one thing we are really conditioned for is getting an education and getting a job. It doesn’t matter if that education is only to year 10 (roughly 15 years of age) and then working in some boring arsed job for the rest of eternity. How about the people who spend 5-6 years studying at university only to go get a job and find out they hate it. Or the ones who enjoy it at first, do they truly love their work that much? Does it stimulate so much as to make a career out of it? I look at Engineers as a prime example, who in their right mind would want to be one for more than just a few years? Is the work that stimulating? Or do you just dream that something better will fall on your lap? But ultimately what is the point? It is just a job. I know people where there life is their job. I really do find that attitude laughable, as generally these sorts of people are wankers. I would really like to know if anyone feels the same way.

What if your skill and passion was riding a skateboard? Most parents would hate the idea, but what if you were to throw away the ‘Book of Parenting’? Lets continue with this example, a dude is exceptionally talented and exceptionally passionate, there is a living to be made of it (via sponsorship, merchandise and good marketing). Should the parents give the kid the opportunity to follow his dream? Or go the same route as everyone else? I propose you give the opportunity, give 6 – 12 months of your time, money and support (if you can) and see what comes of it.

The only rules would be:

1. Treat the passion like a job
1. Have a series of goals (small, medium and large)
2. Have a ‘business plan’
3. Have a timetable.

By treating the passion like a job, you will soon find out if it is a passion. And it will also open up a number of other corridors you may not have thought of.

2. Constantly keep your eye out for innovations.
3. have a part time job (10-15 hours a week)
4. Weekly updates on what has occurred during the week (eg a diary)

What harm is 6-12 months of attempting something different? Even before your ‘real career’ begins. I think by giving the kids this kind of opportunity innovation will happen, and happiness will bloom.

This is only a semi small post, and I do feel that I can expand on this topic in the coming posts. I guess I am asking myself ‘You only get one shot at this life, why would you spend so much time doing something you just don’t love?’ You wouldn’t stick with a partner if you felt the same way about them, would you?

The following song is from an Aussie Hip Hop group called the Herd. To me it’s about never smelling the roses until it’s too late. We are all too busy working for something that at the end of the day means nothing.

You smile to yourself as you ride past the panel beaters

New pieces last night, early morning on the bike

Eight hours in the shop most days of the week

Maintaining food on your plate and you're place on the street

keep one eye on the clock you're ready to bail

Learnt long ago not to rely on CityRail

When you ride the Sydney system

You're up there with the best

Cold laughing out loud at that ridiculous nest

Past the park with the Tai Chi stretch and Yoga heads

And the people with the bottles and the benches for beds

Held for leather down Crown, hold your breathe at the lights

Keep monoxide form your lungs and keep it fresh for the mic

Band practice tonight to try and keep the set tight

But before then spend time with the love of your life

Got priorities right maintaining love with respect

There's a thousand roads to travel but you know your direction

Same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

You got no time to chit chat you've got a schedule to keep

Shooting straight across the city and you’re dodging the sheep

It's the same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

One more 24 hour stretch from daylight to dusk and dusk down to desk

Waiting for the 420A ragged old suit briefcase looks much older than his age

Like to catch the bus home not concerned by the traffic in the lights and ticket price hikes

Kinda like the bus no one talks that much keep the conversation hush the city's pretty at dusk

And most places are expressionless pressing the bell while peak hour reeks perfume you just can't sell From Central up to King Street window washers hustle all the cars the bus driver just looks and laughs

I pass fools and parks and pass people by, his content never meaning with no reason why you have a cold yet Comfortable, welcome at home a little bachelor pad a gold fish and a phone

Where he'll go back to sleep dream and wake up at eight

Get prepared catch the bus back to work again.. it's like

Same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

One more 24 hour stretch from daylight to dusk and dusk down to desk

Same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

It's all I ask of this complex town share a tale or two and watch the sun go down

The sun set so fast I didn't see it happen

Like I look back on days just to see the patterns

See the way the last rays of the day are scattered in such a different way to when I first sat here

Another beer you know the more some things change the more some things are bound the stay the same

It's a shame about those units across the street though

We used to get that much more light in the arvo

Still it's a good place to sit for a while

Even if these days I don't quite fit the style

It's the people I come here for though not the decor

And they don't seem to think of me as too much of an old bore

I used to live just round the corner but then the rent got too dear so I moved from here

Still it's not so far just to come for a beer

I'm not a local but I'm still a local here

Same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

You got no time to chit chat you've got a schedule to keep

Shooting straight across the city and you’re dodging the sheep

Same line same day all on the same track

We cross paths but barely interact

It's all I ask of this complex town share a tale or two and watch the sun go down

I don’t intend for this to become a daily blog, though the updates will be fairly frequent.
And on a side note, the ultrasound was negative, looks like I am good.

11^th September 2006

Well I had my Dr’s appointment today, I am going for an ultrasound tomorrow, but the Doc is quite comfortable that it is nothing. But we will know for sure tomorrow. Anyways last night I decided to pen some ideas for some future blogs, these include:

1. What’s in a passion?
2. Unhappiness, the curse of the western world?
3. Stuck in a rut?
4. Why would God (if s/he exists) want us to waste our lives working and being unhappy?

So today I will cover the topic of ‘What’s in a passion?’ So what exactly is a passion? Is it the burning desire of 2 lovers? Is it the burning desire of an individual to complete a particular task? I wish I knew. I do think that to find true happiness is to follow your heart and as such your passion. So how do we do that while stuck in a cubicle ‘working for the man?’ I wish I knew, I keep coming up with some fairly original ways in order to provide an income while I am out and about seeing the world. Unfortunately they require taking a risk, and I am not much of a risk taker.

This whole questioning of ones existence has led me to have a number of conversations with some of my best friends, the following is an excerpt of a recent chat (Bud == mate, anon == me)

Bud (10:08 PM) :

You know when I have been happy?

When I have been on my trips up north

Anon (10:08 PM) :

:-)

Seeing the world yeah?

Bud (10:08 PM) :

Just doing fuck all ...living the simple life, basking in the glory that is nature

Bud (10:08 PM) :

Getting back to basics so to speak

anon (10:09 PM) :

I think that’s what it’s all about. there is a god(this I do believe). why would he want us to be wasting our time working and shit when he has created this big and beautiful world?

Bud (10:10 PM) :

but my 'goal' is something completely different ...

it's having some nice penthouse overlooking the city with expensive post modern furniture, electronic goodies, a sport scar, high flying social night life and hot chicks

but I’m happy when I’m sleeping on the ground in a tent in the middle of nowhere.

anon (10:11 PM) :

Trust me. When you’re out there living the high life, it’s not fun.

It’s just the same. If anything I want to be able to not work.

Bud (10:12 PM) :

I would be happy with a nice quiet house on 5 hectares out in the sticks with some alpacas and shit like that .... so why do I tell myself I want an apartment close to the city?

anon (10:12 PM) :

because that’s your ego

Bud (10:12 PM) :

yes I think work is the root of all this. so you saying your happy place and your materialistic ego place are two completely different things

anon (10:13 PM) :

definitely.

it’s all related to maslows hierarchy of needs.......

Bud (10:13 PM) :

is there a degree of happiness to be rewarded for feeding your materialistic ego though?

it won't give you long term happiness, but is it also important to have something clocking over in the short term?

Bud (10:13 PM) :

maslow .... now I read that somewhere just a couple of days ago

anon (10:14 PM) :

I think its short term happiness. it’s like when you buy something you think is cool and costs shit loads of money. say a WRX. it’s cool because it’s cool, you feel cool. but then you realise it’s just a possession and it means shit. you then take it for granted :-) then it’s a lot of money tied up in something you don’t fully care for.....umm this shits deep

Bud (10:15 PM) :

it's a bit of a tale of two minds isn't it.

for example ... your materialistic ego wants to go out and pick up some hot biatches and have a rockin time ... but your happy place wants to come home to a loving steady girlfriend the next day.

you can't really have both.... well you can, but that requires a whole different frame of social thinking.

anon (10:16 PM) :

hahah hello swinga ;-)

Bud (10:16 PM) :

current social constructs result in happy/ego conflict.

there that's my thesis statement :-)

Bizarre but it seems like everyone is questioning who and what they want. Is no one out there actually content or happy with where they are heading? Or is it just the lucky few who are either too ignorant or to selfless as to be so questioning? As I said in my first blog, I have the chance of a lifestyle that most only dream of at my age. Yet here I am fairly unhappy and yearning for something different. Is the grass greener on the other side? Surely its not. My bud wants to live the highlife but is most happy when sleeping in a tent exploring the world. That indicates to me he needs to take a shot and see the world. Maybe when he comes back he won’t feel like a lot of us do, maybe while taking that trip and breaking out of the comfort zone he will find what makes him happy.

I have been in constant conversation with a number of people for ways to break this cycle (following your passions). About a month ago, I sold an old road bike to a guy off the net. He picked the bike up one afternoon and we got chatting, and for the next hour or two we spoke of cycling and ‘Le Tour De France’ how others would a game of football. There was an underlying passion there, at which point I explained to him of some of my ideas and views on life (including owning a bike shop). He liked the idea and we had been meaning to catch up over a beer or 2 and look into either starting up a business together or buying an existing company. Today I was blown away to hear he has purchased a bike shop, he wont run it full time, but its an extra bit of income. But the best bit is that this is his passion. I can only hope that our getting together via the internet was one of the reasons for his purchasing of this business. If I can inspire others, why can’t I inspire myself? Why does it seem that I have some great ideas, but I never follow them through?

anon says:

on a different note. I just had this idea.

why not write a book? We get our friends / random people to write their views on life and what it means??

it’s not to make money but I think its definitely good idea to get their views out.

Bud#2 says:

I take it you're the first subject

anon says:

why not. people have different views on why they are here. I would love to read about it in a short and concise manner

Bud#2 says:

I gotta say I like the idea

Bud#2 says:

didn't they teach you in school not to put your right testicle in the toaster when you make your toast in the morning?

Bud#2 says:

and to be serious for a moment I am sure you will be ok mate

Bud#2 says:

just stay away from toasters

anon says:

so yeah that’s my blog. I think its time to try and make a splash on the web. Granted I have to actually not just brain dump shit, I will have to think about stuff.

Bud#2 says:

interesting first entry

anon says:

does it make sense? or is it just a random concoction of shit/

Bud#2 says:

I think hanging out with me that Saturday night has done funny stuff to your brain

anon says:

y?

I have always thought this way. You and I are fairly similar in terms of views on life.

Bud#2 says:

yes I can see similarities

anon says:

since that night out, I have had SO many good ideas it’s not funny.

And they keep coming. I am having a similar convo to what we talk about with another mate of mine. It’s scary but I don’t think anyone is content.

Bud#2 says:

people can sit in a cubicle to drive corporations for only so long. at some point the masses will say no

anon says:

I am almost thinking of getting a group of us together one night / weekend, having a few drinks, fucking around and coming up with an 'ideas factory'

If there are so many of us like this, there will be an idea that sticks it out. We have had a few already. But a big one is just around the corner. It’s just a matter of agreeing to keep it in the 'team' of such

Bud#2 says:

yes

anon says:

I think it will depend on the people who question their existence and their role in this world. they are the people who are critically minded.

The type of people who are happy to look elsewhere and think outside of the box.

Bud#2 says:

Anon I am so happy we had that night out

Bud#2 says:

We have a lot more in common than I thought

anon says:

Meh I knew it all along

we have had convos in the past that make me think 'yeah Bud#2s like me, just way smarter'

Bud#2 says:

On Thursday I was in a work meeting (10pm local time every week btw for my $$)

Bud#2 says:

And I was listening to all the Americans talking and talking

Bud#2 says:

The only notes I wrote on my A4 piece of paper that day were “You must think outside the box"

I think in order to be happy we all have to do the following:

1. Follow our hearts. Money isn’t everything, though it is a pathway to something different
2. Always question who we are, and what we are doing.
3. Always look to solve problems.
4. Always look for problems to solve.
5. Think critically.
6. Have a group of friends you can bounce your ideas off of.
7. Think outside the box.

10^th September 2006

I am deciding to write a journal. I have always wanted to, but I never pulled my finger out and done it. I believe that this is the time to start. On Friday the 8^th of September I found that my right testicle was swollen and slightly sore. It has remained this way the entire weekend, tomorrow I will be visiting the doctor to get it checked out. To be honest I have had a great weekend, but this has been worrying me something chronic.

What if it is cancer? This was never the way I expected to go out, I always thought I would be a 90 year old with his 89 year old wife dying in my sleep.

It sounds like I am jumping the gun a bit, and hey maybe I am. However this has forced me to ask myself ‘what am I doing?’. I am 25 nearly 26 and I have everything I have ever really wanted, but I am not completely happy (am I?)

I have to ask myself, if I were to die tomorrow, what would I have accomplished? I think most people who would ask this question would be disappointed in what they find.

What are we doing?

I can tell you what I have done, but does it mean anything to anyone? Even me? I have a job that pays well, and that makes me the envy of some of my mates, but it doesn’t make me happy. No one knows that I basically hate my work, I am ok at it, not great but I get the work done. I don’t have the passion to get any better with it. So what the hell am I doing sticking it out for? There is SO much more out there to do, instead we stick out doing something we don’t love all for the sake of some unachievable goal. Some work until they are 40 and retire, others work until 65 and then see the world. It is such a waste of a life to live that way. What ever happened to passion? What ever happened to having a passion and following that throughout their life. I think of the dudes who spent their time surfing throughout the world, they work for a time to get the money for a ticket to their destination, and then they do it for 3 months. Now that is what living is about, they are finding their inner soul or something by doing what they love day in and day out. I really respect that outlook.

Conversely we have just bought a lovely new place in a suburb close to a lovely beach and close to the city in which I work. But I constantly ask myself, what does this matter? It really doesn’t, there are people in this world who have nothing and they are happy. Is ignorance bliss when it comes to finding happiness? In ancient times, if you had food you were happy, now you have to have the 200inch LCD screen with the big house and nice car. Is this a direct result of me being picked on in primary school? Having to be ‘better’ than everyone else? What does being better exactly mean though? Does having the biggest and the best make me better? Or does it just hide my inner insecurities? God only knows, and I hope God is out there now knowing how I feel. I am truly terrified, my fiancé I worry for. I hate the fact that I may not be as strong as I may claim scares me to death. I have always tried to be there for her in her darkest and deepest times of despair, most times failing but I have always tried. What happens when I cant? On the same note though, I would much rather have to go through what I am going through than anyone else in my circle of friends. Statistically speaking it means that another person may not get sick. Which is good, call me a whining martyr.

So I think in this journal you’re going to find a lot of ramblings, contradictions and I will possibly come across as a hypocrite. For that I apologize.